The Legend of the Expanding RV
(Or, how I sank back into debt after many years of carefree living)
If I don’t get a bigger trailer to travel in, you’re going be some sorry!
It was a dark and stormy night outside a small cape on the rugged but beautiful coast of Maine. As smoke curled from the decaying chimney, ice crystals formed on the poorly insulated windows of the quaint weatherworn cottage. The phone rang; brinnng, brinnng…..it rang out with the urgency that can only spell trouble for two innocent citizens in the tiny village of Crabapple Cove. But alas, half of the couple was a very poor spelr and did not immediately grasp the severity of this jarring intrusion. The clattering instrument shattered all peaceful reverie for the innocent folks snuggled in recliners by a roaring fireplace while squinting at the glowing screen of their iPad’s. Their quizzical faces adorned with the seasonal barroom pallor so common in New England this time of the year, Kit and Bill yelled out in unison as a couple joined for half a century can only do; “Don’t answer it”! But alas, the intruder had left a message…..was it important? Had someone been trying to contact us about a long lost fortune? Did we owe someone money? Was it an old friend trying to reconnect? Was it that relative we don’t like but tolerate for family harmony? Curiosity, having already done in the feline, was looming over our innocent couple as stink looms over a canine deposit.
“The area code shows that the call is from California”, bellowed Kit. To which Bill meekly replied, “If it ain’t Ed McMahon…..don’t call back”. Throwing caution to the arctic winds that ripped any residual fall warmth from their quaint New England village, Kit sat in contemplative repose as she listened to the dismembered voice worming into her ear. Bill, becoming increasingly agitated, noticed a smile slowing forming from the corners of her mouth…..a sight he had not visualized in many a year. It’s that RV salesman from California; you know that one that you thought wasn’t as big a bozo as the other half dozen we visited earlier this year? Already regretting what he was about to say, Bill tentatively replied “huh”. The next few seconds would change his simple and uncomplicated life forever as Kit hit re-dial and after a few moments excitedly exclaimed…..yes, yes, yes…..we’ll take it!!!!
This my friends is where the Legend of the Expanding RV was born and, a graphic example of how it is indeed possible to “get the cart before the horse”. You see, the lovely Kit had just committed to the purchase of her dream RV, which will be played in this mellow (pun intended) drama by the up-and-coming cart. While homely old Bill suddenly realized that this meant they required a new tow vehicle, being played by the supremely talented horse. So, a few days later, while Kit and her BFF were off playing in the city of Big Apples, Bill went a shopping for a new Tow Vehicle (horse) that would be capable of hauling their new RV (cart). And, (queue trumpets) TaTa…..here she (or insert gender or sexual identity of your preference…..however, what part of TaTa did you not understand?) is!
Well, if you haven’t stopped reading yet, and you’re not a motor-head, this might be a great time to visit the Concession Stand as there’s a bunch of truck-speak coming down the road (no pun intended).
Bill and Kit’s “New” Excellent Adventure Escape Vehicle is a:
2015 Chevrolet Silverado 3500
Crew Cab with Standard Pick-up Bed
Silver Ice Metallic, Chrome Aluminum Wheels
4×4, SLT, ZR1, Snow Plow Prep Package
Factory Spray-in Bed Liner
Heavy Duty Trailering Package
Duramax 6.6 Liter Turbo Diesel with Exhaust Brake
397 Horsepower and 765 Pound/Feet of Torque
Allison 1000 Six Speed Transmission with Tow Mode
36 Gallon Fuel Tank
Four Wheel Disc Brakes
Integrated Trailer Brake and Sway Control
17,000 Pound Tow Capability
220 Amp Alternator, Dual Batteries
6 Inch Chrome Assist Steps
Projector Headlights, LED tail and Clearance Lamps
Electric Camper Mirrors with spotting lamps
Black Leather interior, six way adjustable heated seats
Drivers Information Panel in Dash
GPS, MiFi, OnStar, Sirius XM, MyLink, Bose Audio System
USB Ports, SD Slots, 12 Volt DC and 110 Volt AC Power Outlets
Rear Vision Camera, Front and Rear Parking Assist
So, what’s the skinny on that new RV? Stay Tuned…….